When it comes to marriage, we tend to make decisions with our hearts first and our heads second. When it comes to getting remarried, you shouldn’t make hasty decisions. There are lots of things to consider that you need to consider before you remarry. Couples should familiarize themselves with remarriage and how to start a stepfamily before ever walking down the aisle a second time.
While many couples think remarriage gives a second shot to happiness, statistics show a different theory. The divorce rates for second marriages in the US are over 60% compared to the first marriage. Remarriage becomes more challenging, mainly when kids are involved. Be sure to make wise and sober decisions before making the final decision to marry. Here are some crucial elements and questions to ponder on before walking down the aisle again:
1. Slow Down
Even when you feel confident, and the feelings are real, don’t rush into a marriage. Wanting to hurry down the aisle is one of the best predictors of a relationship that’s in trouble. You should never get married under pressure, and if it feels urgent, don’t do it!
A professional Philadelphia divorce lawyer recommends that you wait at least 6-8 months before you assume you know anything about the person you’re dating, even if you’ve known each other for years. Deal with issues forehand before they start, like sex, money, and kids. These things could get worse after you get married.
2. Kids are a Big Deal
Every kid wishes that Mom and Dad can reconcile or that the deceased parent will always hold as much authority as before. Children experience numerous emotional struggles before entering a blended family, and remarriage is another. Always consider your children’s feelings before you remarry and make them understand that nothing in life is permanent. Don’t rush them, and don’t take their grief away.
Also, understand that your new spouse’s children may not get along all the time with your kids and also with you. Also, your spouse’s kids may not quickly adapt to your way of doing things. So, be realistic in your expectations.
3. A Second Marriage is Like a Merger
First marriages are equivalent to starting a business from scratch, while second marriages are equated to merging two firms with their policies, liabilities, assets. This reason is more proof that second or third marriages are more challenging. Think of marriage as a service project where everyone gives 100% and if someone doesn’t view the relationship this way, think hard before settling for marriage.
4. Practice Makes Perfect
The best news about a second marriage is that you have the chance to make things right but always remember that no one is perfect. From the first marriage, you already have learned about your strengths and weaknesses. Second marriages allow you to use everything you’ve learned to choose a partner who is a better match.
Look at marriage as a practice of what you love other than what you feel. Treat your relationship like a gym where you work out every day. The entire process may be painful at times, but you only get results from the efforts you make.
5. Make Peace With Your Past Mistakes
As much as you choose a new partner, you are the common denominator in all your relationships. The conditions that led to your first marriage’s ruin will likely lead to problems in the second marriage. Thoroughly evaluate the choices you made in the first marriage and take full responsibility for your decisions. The best news is that you can make things right in the second marriage if you’re accountable for your mistakes.
Ensure that your potential spouse does the same. You can openly discuss the things that made both of your first marriages fail and discuss the various changes to make in the chance of a second marriage. Also, consider taking up therapy to make sure both of your past wounds are genuinely healed.
6. Get A Word from Your Parents
Parents give the model idea of what a great marriage is supposed to be. However, if your parents’ marriage model wasn’t good, it’s more likely that creating a great marriage will challenge you. If your parents’ marriage wasn’t a good model, you need to learn how to make good marriages work. This means you can read all the necessary books, visit the web, get therapy and learn how to make things right this time. Love builds itself when you constantly focus on nurturing it.
The best way to make your second marriage a success is when you create a culture of appreciation, respect, acceptance, and positive communication in your home. You’ve got to work smarter, not harder, this time around!
About the Author
Veronica Baxter is a writer, blogger, and legal assistant operating out of the greater Philadelphia area.